Alexander Pope

Anonymous, "Of Merit Deserted" The Prompter (18 November 1735).

P—E, who, oft, overflows, both with WIT, and with SPLEEN,
Felt the Want of a Dung-Cart, to keep himself Clean:
So, He furnish'd a Priest, with a CARRIAGE, ding, dong:
And, made him his DRAYMAN, to drive it along.

Then, as oft, as the MUSE'S Satirical ITCH,
For the Poet's Discharge, lent his Vengeance a Switch;
Hey-gee-ho was the Word — "Take it, Parson, away"—
And, the reverenc'd EXCREMENT loaded the Dray.

So Gravity, charm'd with the Call, for his Freight,
Betwixt Load, and Load, found it tedious, to wait:
And Himself, having Nothing, to keep up the Trade,
Told his Master, with Tears, how his Custom decay'd,
"What is once, in two Months? — Now 'twould make the Wheels creak,
Wou'd YOU find wherewithal, to load once a WEEK!"

Stand aloof, answer'd P—E, — Such a Trade as You drive,
May be needful; — but, welcome to no Man alive,
Tho' I love to dress light, I'm too neat, in my Cloaths,
To let a Tom T—d Man, live under my Nose.
Desunt Caetera.