Rev. Jonathan Swift

Anonymous, "S—t and P—e" Read's Weekly Journal (26 April 1735).

The D—bl—n Dean and T—n Squire,
Against the Government conspire;
With wayward Wit and restless Rage,
To undermine the State engage:

Their Pens they dip in the blackest Gall,
And tho' three Kingdom loudly bawl.
"All Things, cry they, are out of Course,
Bad is the K—, the Q— still worse;
The Statesman all are Knaves, or Fools;
The Senators a Pack of Tools;
The very Fathers of the Church
Agree to leave her in the Lurch,
Whilst Infidels and Hereticks,
Are left to play their usual Tricks;
Are hoisted into wealthy Places,
And boldly shew their Goblin Faces:
Imposts of cruel Weight are laid,
And yet the Nation's Debts unpaid;
Commerce is spoil'd, and Traffick low,
And poorer every Day we grow.
Hurtful Alliances, and Leagues
Are brought about by base Intrigues;
Both Fleet and Army help inslave us;
Nor less than Miracles can save us.
And lo! the Spring of all this Evil,
Is W—le, that Incarnate Devil."

Now, would you know the Reason why
They raise so horrible a Cry?
'Tis not that Things in Truth are ill,
Or that such heavy Weights we feel;
But that they think themselves neglected;
Nor, as their Worth deserves, respected.

Clap on the Dean a Lordly Mitre,
And dub the 'Squire a Laureat Writer,
All these Complaints will streight be gone,
Their Anger ceas'd, and chang'd their Tone.
Then will the K— be Good and Wise,
The Q— an Angel from the Skies;
Senate and Statesmen true and bold,
As e'er the Romans say of Old;
The Bishops, Learned, Good, and Sage,
As in the Apostolic Age:
The Church with Walls of Brass surrounded;
And all her dang'rous Foes confounded:
Alliances with Honour gain'd,
And only for our Good maintain'd:
Armies and Fleets secure our Land,
And all Attempts of Foes withstand:
Commerce revive, and Wealth encreast,
All tend to Plenty and to Peace;
Sir R—t will himself be then,
The best of PATRIOTS and of MEN.