Capel Lofft

Anonymous, in "The Philosophical Discovery, and Plebeian Talent, by C. L. Esq." A Sequel to Rejected Addresses, by another Author (1813) 23-25.

I am a little Farmer's Boy,
Cows and horses are my joy!
Poetry and hogs I love—
I say my prayers to God above!
For Parson every Sunday tell
That wicked boys must go to Hell!
And thanks to Mr. L-fft, I've got
A Sunday coat and Sunday hat;
So that to church I like to go
Like other boys, my clothes to show!
I live with Mr. L-fft's tenant,
A farmer good, and kind, and pleasant:
Sometimes I keep his hogs, and oft
I mind the cows for Mr. L-fft;
For Mr. L-fft, I'd have you know,
Is very kind to me, and so
Is Mrs. L-fft; they always greet me
With "How do, Billy!" when they meet me;
And Mr. L-fft says, if he can,
He'll bind me to a printing man—
For I am clever, and he says
'Tis pity I should spend my days
In keeping hogs or scaring rooks,
When I might be reading books;
And I shall like it, I dare say,
For London is so fine and gay,
And all the sights so very pretty,
I long to live in the great city.
Mr. L-fft said t' other day,
He'd take me with him to the play;
And now he's brought me — Lord 'a' mercy!
(Tho' that's a word I never dare say,
For God, you know, hates swearing children,
And in Hell they surely will burn)—
I never see a place so funny;
It must have cost a sight of money!
Here's a place where Ladies sit,
And there a place they call the Pit;
There's lights and candles all around;
And here are lamps upon the ground!
If I kick 'em with my shoe,
I can smash 'em over you
Who've got your fiddles there a-squeaking,
While up yonder some are shrieking—
"Turn him out!" — What's that they say?
If they mean me, I'll run away.
[Runs away in a great fright.