Rev. Jonathan Swift

Jonathan Swift, "Dean Swift at Sir Arthur Acheson's in the North of Ireland" Gentleman's Magazine 2 (April 1732) 717.

The Dean wou'd visit Market-hill,
Our Invitation was but slight;
I said, why let him if he will,
And so I bid Sir A—r write.

His Manners would not let him wait,
Lest we should think ourselves neglected;
And so we saw him at our Gate
Three Days before he was expected.

After a Week, a Month, a Quarter,
And Day succeeding after Day,
Says not a Word of his Departure,
Tho' not a Soul would have him stay.

I've said enough to make him blush,
Methinks, or else the Devil's in't;
But he cares not for it a Rush,
Nor for my Life will take the Hint.

But you, my Dear, may let him know,
In civil Language, if he stays,
How deep and foul the Roads may grow,
And that he may command the Chaise.

Or you may say — I should with Joy
Beg you would here continue still,
But we must go to Aghnacloy;
Or Mr. M—r will take it ill.

The House Accounts are daily rising,
So much his Stay does swell the Bills;
My dearest Life it is surprising,
How much he eats, how much he swills.

His Brace of Puppies how they stuff,
And they must have three Meals a Day,
Yet never thing the get enough;
His Horses too eat all our Hay.

Oh! if I could, how I would maul
His Tallow Face and wainscot Paws,
His beetle Brows and Eyes of Wall,
And make him soon give up the Cause.

Must I be every Moment chid
With skinny, boney, snip and lean,
Oh! that I could once be rid
Of this insulting Tyrant Dean!